I need to smell you. Sweat, alcohol, deodorant. Now.
I need to see you. Eyes, lips, nostrils. Always.
I need to touch you. Caress you, hold you. Forever.
I need to feel you. Inside of me, deep, as one.
I need to connect my mind with yours. For eternity.
I need to laugh with you, bath with you, be half of you.
I need to live with you, dream with you, die with you.
I need.
I am so vulnerable and fragile
If you cast me aside
I know I would break.
You are my oxygen
That stops me suffocating
In this torpid world.
Without you I am hollow,
Just a shell of a human,
Emotionally withdrawn.
With you I feel complete
And my whole sense of being
Just clicks into place.
You are the blood
That keeps me alive.
You’re my hallucination,
My masturbation,
My deepest desire in here.
The fantasy’s perfectly clear,
My own Adonis,
Intelligent and honest.
To meet would shatter the dream,
Life’s not what it seems,
You’re far too special for me.
I’m fat and ugly you’ll see,
Insecure and scarred,
Unable to drop my guard.
So it’s best to stay apart,
Keep guarding my heart,
Forever my fascination.
You’re an uncaring bastard and smell of piss,
You repulse me so much when you try to kiss,
You slur your words and repeat yourself over,
I want to shove you off the white cliffs of Dover.
You’re a waste of space and a loss of good air,
I’d like to see you savaged by a wild bear.
You should be castrated so you can’t reproduce,
Your balls chopped and blended, made into a mousse.
You’re a selfish drunk, a disgusting freak,
I want to beat your head with an oversized leek.
I hope one day to hear of your sad demise,
As if you hadn’t guessed, it’s you I despise.
Can’t take anymore of this emotional pain,
Day by day sending me insane.
I long to close my eyes and fall asleep forever,
Let my soul float away as light as a feather.
A black cloud hangs above me wherever I go,
My darkest thoughts lurk in the shadow.
We’re all dying since the day we were born,
A fact of life, no need to mourn.
On borrowed time we all wait
In a crazy queue to visit fate.
I’d like to push in front of line
So certain death soon will be mine.
I want you to hold me
But I push you away,
I want to talk to you
But I don’t know what to say.
I want to be rescued
But look after myself,
Enjoy being single
But not left on the shelf.
I want to be adored
But given my space,
Have a whirlwind romance
At a slow, languid pace.
I need you to want me
But to not suffocate,
Love me forever,
Please don’t let it turn to hate.
Can we run down the beach
And into the waves,
Go deep sea exploring
To underground caves.
Can we climb mountains high
To reach for the moon,
Maybe catch a lift
On a hot air balloon.
Can we lie in a field
Watching clouds in the sky,
Holding hands in the grass
As swallows fly by.
Can we snuggle up close
In a warm embrace,
Gliding through life
At our very own pace.
You shattered my heart,
Took my will to live.
I try to forget
But I’ll never forgive.
You promised the world
But it was all lies.
Is it me or you
That you really despise?
They say that time heals
But not for me,
A wall round my heart
Forever there will be.
Naomi Rettig 