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All posts for the month January, 2015

Slimming

Published January 15, 2015 by naomirettig

O let me wake up nice and slim
It is my goal to be so trim,
I’d like to have no cellulite,
This alas not my only plight.
I’d like to be four sizes smaller
Or at least two foot taller.
I want to wear a skimpy thong
Without it looking oh so wrong.
I want to have more get up and go
Not a backache that screams ‘oh no’.
I need to make these few stones budge
And invent a fruit that tastes like fudge!

Patterns in my bath

Published January 15, 2015 by naomirettig

The patterns in my bath
Look like a leopard,
All mottled and swirly
Like a drunken shepherd.
If I move my legs
A tiger appears,
Straighter and stripy
As if you’ve had less beers.
It all merges together
When I go under,
Like a flock of flamingos
Hiding from thunder,
But when I get out
(Now this bit sounds mad)
I look below me
And there’s a map of Baghdad.

Dead

Published January 15, 2015 by naomirettig

Oh my god I’m dead
In my new wooden bed.
The maggots eat away my toes,
I’ve got a spider up my nose.
My eyeballs turn to dried up moss
(Oh well, no great loss).
My muscles change to spongy dough
(No more work, alas, oh woe).
The mildew forms upon my brain
(Please stop this numbing pain).
My cheeks suck in like a lemon
(Flesh and blood, such sweet venom).
The stench is like a rotting po
(I have no friends only a foe).
My skin decays and pulls quite tight
(Jesus what an ugly sight).
No chance here at all to survive,
Why did they bury me alive?

More Than

Published January 15, 2015 by naomirettig

I love you more than peppermint Aeros
And the treasures of the Pharohs,
More than fresh morning dew
And tiramisu.

I love you more than Turkish delight
And watching the sun set late at night,
More than flowers in spring
And a diamond ring.

I love you more than pussycat noses
And a huge bunch of pink and white roses,
More than Thorntons toffee
And milky coffee.

I love you more than the Easter bunny
And little stripy bees making honey,
More than stars in the sky
And black cherry pie.

Karma

Published January 15, 2015 by naomirettig

Look at you with your woeful life
Knee deep in gloom and wading through strife.
Debts ‘round your neck weighing you down
Your face locked into a permanent frown,
Clinging to drink as if it’s your saviour
Yet all it does is control your behaviour.
Hunched in a pub and thinking of me,
I showed you the way but you never did see,
Now you do but alas it’s too late
So you sit there in your maudlin state
Neglecting your girlfriend back at home
Regretful thoughts encouraged to roam.
You’re stuck in the past now, can’t move on,
Trapped in a life that’s a sham and a con.
You did me a favour setting me free
As I’m really enjoying being me.

I Need

Published January 15, 2015 by naomirettig

 

I need to smell you. Sweat, alcohol, deodorant. Now.
I need to see you. Eyes, lips, nostrils. Always.
I need to touch you. Caress you, hold you. Forever.
I need to feel you. Inside of me, deep, as one.
I need to connect my mind with yours. For eternity.
I need to laugh with you, bath with you, be half of you.
I need to live with you, dream with you, die with you.
I need.