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My Eurovision 2017 Top Five (Six really)

Published March 17, 2017 by Naomi Rettig

My winner is Montenegro. Unfortunately, this is the kiss of death for the Montenegro contestant Slavko Katezic as my favourite songs always come last. I love this song though, it’s called ‘Space’, and I dance like I’m on another planet when I hear it. In the official video, he dances topless and has a plait Rapunzel would be jealous of. I find the plait distracting though as he swings it around with gay abandonment, health and safety officials will be having kittens on the night watching it doesn’t get caught up in any stage paraphernalia. I’m presuming there won’t be a wind machine in the mix for the live performance, far too many ‘Final Destination’ possibilities. The song is disco deluge of high energy, jiggly rhythms, and sweat. And the more I listen to the lyrics the more double entendre they seem. 10/10 from me.

Sweden is my very close second place. The song is catchy and bouncy. Robin Bengtsson ticks all my boxes but I’m not sure if a song called ‘I can’t go on (coz you’re so fricking beautiful)’ will go down well. Will the people of Europe be offended by the word fricking? I’m looking forward to the stage performance as in the video Robin and his merry men (four male backing dancers, all looking dashing in suits and sneakers) dance on treadmills. I’m presuming the stops and starts of the treadmill in line with the dance routine are automatically programmed in, otherwise it’s a lot of pressure on the treadmill operator. This song is fricking awesome and I give it 9.5/10.

Moldova get my third place. The Sunstroke Project (no it’s not an ad campaign from Boots the chemist) have been Moldova’s entry before, but this is their best. ‘Hey Mamma’ is again a catchy upbeat song with funky saxophone and violin bits. The dance moves are easy enough for me to follow along with; the main move being tapping your right leg up and down as if trying to free your shoe from unseen chewing gum or dabbing down a bit of lifting loose linoleum. And anyone that can dance ‘the running man’ while playing the saxophone gets my vote. 9/10 from me.

Francesco Gabbani for Italy gets fourth place from me for his song ‘Occidentali’s Karma’. This song has been a grower for me. He sings it in Italian so I find it difficult to sing along to (it doesn’t stop me), but it’s got a groovy melody I can dance to. Francesco does his best with dad dancing but his infectious smile makes up for his lack of smooth moves. His voice is heavenly, like granulated sugar swirled with honey and rubbed all over your body with soft warm hands. Oh, did I mention there was a dancing gorilla? Not a real one, a person dressed in a monkey suit dancing alongside Francesco. Maybe they’ll have a real gorilla for the live contest. I look forward to seeing what suit he wears on stage as I’ve seen him singing this song in a couple of different swish suits. 8.5/10 from me.

Fifth place is a tie. Both these songs scored 8/10 from me. F.Y.R Macedonia has a club-feel dance track by Jana Burceska called ‘Dance Alone’. And it does indeed make you want to dance alone. Or in company. The video is a clever concept, an older lady puts on a 3-D headset and is transformed into the younger version of herself as she dances. That’s how I feel when I dance, twenty years younger. A feel-good song, it will be interesting to see what the stage arrangement will be.

Joint fifth for me is Romania. Ilinca ft. Alex Florea sing ‘Yodel It!’ That kind of gives a clue. It’s a rap/yodel fusion. Yes, from Romania. (Apparently, the song was written for the Swiss but they didn’t want it, but Romania did and have certainly embraced it). On first hearing this song I was confused to whether I liked it or not, having listened to it many times now I can confirm it’s a yay from me. A yodelyay. And yes, I have tried yodeling but I sound like a llama on helium and crack cocaine.

Only fifty two days until the first semi-final! Do you have a favourite yet?

Eurovision Top 10 -2016

Published March 31, 2016 by Naomi Rettig

After listening to all entries again and again, I have narrowed down my top ten Eurovision songs for this year’s contest. (To save anyone feeling compelled to read through my reviews on all 43).

  1. Finland – I just love this song so much! I think I’m in the minority though as it’s 100/1 with William Hill (other betting sites are available) right now. I love the energy, the sentiment, the tune you can dance to, Sandhja the artist – I love her, her hair and the fringing on her leisurewear in the video. I’ve even ordered an electric blue swimsuit with heavy fringing on it to wear on Eurovision night in tribute. Yes, after repeat playing repeatedly, this is my favourite song this year.
  2. Russia – This is tipped by the bookies at 6/4 favourite and I can see why. Catchy tune, dance factor high, Sergey is gorgeous, eye-catching video. I just wonder if it’s too much like Mans Zelmerlow’s winning song last year. Gorgeous bloke, upbeat dance track, clever digital stage animation. I’m not complaining with that, but maybe something different for this year? (Like a girl, with shaved hair, and fringed clothing).
  3. Armenia – This is now on my mp3 player too. This is very Eurovision to me, beautiful lady, eastern European sounding stringed instruments, dramatic, and when the beat drops at 49 seconds in – I get a tingly spine. Tingly spines are good. 25/1 with the bookies. I’m predicting a wind machine on stage.
  4. France – Now I don’t normally like the French entry, I just don’t seem to be on a musical level with France, but I really like this one. It has a catchy chorus in English I can sing along to, verses in French I can pretend to sing along to, and some ooh’s. Good oohing in a song works for me. No fringing, but I’m happy with the ooh’s. 12/1 with the bookies.
  5. Belgium – An upbeat cheery song, good to dance to and sing along with. Cute singer Laura, but not overly cute. I think she will bring great energy to the stage in Sweden. No fringing but a sparkly silver jacket I am a little envious of. 100/1 odds at the bookies so not many people sharing my choice here.
  6. Iceland – Extreme fringing alert, combined with a wind machine. Excellent. Has a lovely Celtic feel to it, Greta has a lovely voice, slow bits and dancy bits, something for everyone. I think this will be staged very well. Wind machine or smoke machine? That will be my question on the night. If it’s both I don’t think my excitement levels will cope. 50/1 odds, the same as us in the UK so not much chance of winning.
  7. San Marino – When I first heard this song I think I scored it one of my least favorites’ but this is a grower for me. Serhat has a voice like gravel coated in treacle, rolled in oats and shoved deep in a volcano. At first listen I found this menacing and creepy and it came across, not as a love song, but as someone I would get a restraining order for. It has now grown on me, helped by the disco backing. In fact, it’s the disco backing that saved it for me. 100/1 odds but I don’t think this will make it past the semi-final stage unfortunately.
  8. Netherlands – Now I didn’t think I’d like this one, it has a country music twang to it, which is not normally my cup of tea. However, this is catchy and the chap singing and playing guitar is easy on the eye. Although I do get distracted by his name, Douwe Bob. I just think of the coffee Douwe Egberts. Other coffees are available, although Nescafe Jim didn’t make this year’s contest. 66/1 at the bookies, not looking good considering the UK is 50/1 and we all know there’s zero chance of us winning.
  9. Denmark – Three lovely men with three good voices. No fringing, wind machine or smoke machine but a good chorus with a bit that makes you want to punch the air. You’ll know when. 100/1 odds at present, I don’t think Denmark will be hosting next year.
  10. Cyprus – Something a bit different, gravelly rock with euro-pop vibes. Could Eurovision viewers want something alternative this year? I certainly enjoyed it and with odds of 25/1 it seems to stand a fair chance.

 

So there’s my top 10 of Eurovision 2016. I want Finland to win so much I am tempting fate by saying that if they make it through the semi-final I will record my dance routine to ‘Sing it Away’ while wearing my fringed swimsuit. If they then go on and win I shall post it online! But before a petition starts up to stop this happening (I’m well aware it won’t be a pretty sight) let me remind you it’s 100/1 odds. The UK is 50/1. We’ve got more chance of winning twice in one night than I have appearing on Youtube in an electric blue fringed swimsuit.

 

Now, what shoes would match my swimwear….just in case 😉