amusing

All posts tagged amusing

Help the Homeless

Published January 15, 2015 by naomirettig

Help the homeless
They’re not front page news,
Don’t give them money
As they’ll spend it on booze.
Give them some food
Like a nice Cornish pasty,
Check they’re not vegetarian
Or they might turn nasty.
A tartan blanket or a hand held fan,
A selection of photos of Duran Duran,
A squeaky toy for the dog by their side,
With a sorrowful look like his mum’s just died,
Some soap on a rope, so they can smell nice,
Lavender or rose but not edelweiss,
A tambourine so that they can busk,
Some crunchy ryvitas
Or a banana rusk.
A pretty hat for collecting their cash,
Something homemade though
Nothing too flash.
So help the homeless when out one day
Then go and put your feet up
With a box of milk tray.

For You

Published January 14, 2015 by naomirettig

For you I would catch a falling star
While swimming a lake of chocolate tar,
A lake as deep as an ocean blue
Because my love for you is true.

For you I would slice the silver moon
While climbing a hill in the middle of June,
A hill as high as Mount Everest
Because you are the very best.

For you I would light the midnight sky
While floating on a cloud as I pass by,
A cloud as frothy as cappuccino coffee
Because you’re yummier than Thorntons toffee.

For you I would dig for diamonds and jewels
While skating on ice and fending off ghouls,
Ice sparklingly clear as first morning dew
Simply because I love you.

Ex

Published January 14, 2015 by naomirettig

You’re an uncaring bastard and smell of piss,
You repulse me so much when you try to kiss,
You slur your words and repeat yourself over,
I want to shove you off the white cliffs of Dover.

You’re a waste of space and a loss of good air,
I’d like to see you savaged by a wild bear.
You should be castrated so you can’t reproduce,
Your balls chopped and blended, made into a mousse.

You’re a selfish drunk, a disgusting freak,
I want to beat your head with an oversized leek.
I hope one day to hear of your sad demise,
As if you hadn’t guessed, it’s you I despise.

Cycling Uphill Through Blancmange

Published January 14, 2015 by naomirettig

I’m cycling uphill through blancmange,
It’s raining with a storm on the way.
There’s a flesh eating zombie behind me
And I’m not even sure of the day.

There’s a sea of lava towards me
And a shark with a big Toblerone.
Small pigeons are circling above me
And the battery’s run out on my phone.

My bicycle now has a puncture,
I think it’s the end of the line.
I’m going to stop for a bite to eat
And a glass of gooseberry wine.

Clouds

Published January 14, 2015 by naomirettig

Plump, squidgy clouds that want to be cuddled,
Swirly fast skinny ones all mixed up and muddled,
Celestial jellyfish floating up high,
Giraffes and elephants bobbing on by.

Angry black fierce clouds all mean and moody,
Swollen full with rainwater, darker and broody,
Battling horsemen galloping fast aloft
While sharks, eels and vipers sneakily waft.

Unique and so special, not seen again,
Dried up by the sun and erased by the rain,
Like souls moving on through the heavens above,
Each one has been embraced by natures love.

Can We

Published January 14, 2015 by naomirettig

Can we run down the beach
And into the waves,
Go deep sea exploring
To underground caves.

Can we climb mountains high
To reach for the moon,
Maybe catch a lift
On a hot air balloon.

Can we lie in a field
Watching clouds in the sky,
Holding hands in the grass
As swallows fly by.

Can we snuggle up close
In a warm embrace,
Gliding through life
At our very own pace.