Lyrically challenged I lie in bed
Thoughts of you are clouding my head.
I want to tell you how I feel
But to you I’m no big deal.
I want to hold you every night
Safe and warm and snuggled up tight,
To your every need I’d tend
But to you I’m just a friend.
A friend who’s there for you when you call
Someone to talk to when you fall,
Someone to sleep with when you’re bored
Inbetween girls or else ignored.
I guess I’m hoping you’ll fall for me
Open your eyes and really see
How special I am, loving and true
Here all the time, waiting for you.
Deep down I know the reality
I’ll stay a doormat while you use me,
Then one day when you meet ‘the one’
Our friendship will end, finished, done.
In the darkness I see softness,
A softness that envelopes me in comfort
And suffocates me.
In the darkness I hear silent voices,
They are not welcome
Yet they won’t fade away.
In the darkness I taste my tears.
In the darkness I reach out
But no one is there,
Just the emptiness that taunts me
Again and again.
O let me wake up nice and slim
It is my goal to be so trim,
I’d like to have no cellulite,
This alas not my only plight.
I’d like to be four sizes smaller
Or at least two foot taller.
I want to wear a skimpy thong
Without it looking oh so wrong.
I want to have more get up and go
Not a backache that screams ‘oh no’.
I need to make these few stones budge
And invent a fruit that tastes like fudge!
The patterns in my bath
Look like a leopard,
All mottled and swirly
Like a drunken shepherd.
If I move my legs
A tiger appears,
Straighter and stripy
As if you’ve had less beers.
It all merges together
When I go under,
Like a flock of flamingos
Hiding from thunder,
But when I get out
(Now this bit sounds mad)
I look below me
And there’s a map of Baghdad.